DON'T DO IT

👔 Tales from the W2

Aug 03, 2026

Back when I was married, I worked with a senior engineer named Dave.

He wasn’t the loudest person on the team. Most meetings he’d barely say a word. Then, completely out of nowhere, he’d drop a one-liner that would derail everyone’s train of thought.

We were primarily a Go team, and I was still learning the language. Dave showed me a lot of the patterns we were using—instrumentation with Go Kit, structuring services, and other techniques you only really pick up from someone who’s been around awhile. He was one of those seasoned engineers who kept his head down, wrote solid code, and stayed out of office politics.

I knew he was married.

I don’t remember if he had kids.

When I announced I was getting married, everyone on the team congratulated me.

Everyone except Dave.

Without missing a beat, he said,

“DON’T DO IT!”

We were fully remote, and nobody had cameras on.

I couldn’t tell if he was joking.

Other engineers were on the call.

Our engineering lead was there.

Nobody really reacted.

I just remember sitting there thinking,

What the hell?

A few months later, he sounded unusually irritated because he had to take his wife to a doctor’s appointment.

Then, in the same conversation, he casually remarked that he’d rather be in Hawaii with an exotic dancer.

Same engineering call.

Same coworkers.

Same engineering lead.

The number of fucks he gave was exactly zero.

Eventually, he left for a faster-paced startup.

Our manager thought highly of him. She always said the door was open if he ever wanted to come back because he was a dependable engineer who consistently delivered.

A few years later, he did.

By then, I was getting ready to have my daughter.

I mentioned that I was about to become a dad.

Without missing a beat, he said,