In my marriage, I thought the promotion to Staff Software Engineer would solve everything.
More money. Fewer problems.
That was the assumption.
So I aimed for the next rung without really looking at what came with it.
After the divorce, things shifted. Life stabilized. My time opened up. Fewer obligations. More space.
And for the first time, I actually looked at what I was chasing.
The Staff engineers on my team werenât building moreâthey were absorbing more.
Endless meetings. Lab time. Store runs. Late-night deployments. Accountability when things broke.
You could hear it at the end of the day.
A pause. Then:
âIâm exhausted.â
And that was just what I could see.
When I asked about the comp, the difference was smaller than expected.
About $10K more.
That was it.
Thatâs when it clicked.
I wasnât looking at a promotion.
I was looking at a trade.
The Metric
Most people think theyâre optimizing for income.
Theyâre not.
Theyâre optimizing for salary, title, or egoâand quietly destroying their most valuable asset in the process.
Time.
If you want a metric that cuts through politics, optics, and self-deception, itâs this:
Dollars per hour.
Not your hourly wage.
Not what HR says youâre worth.
But what you actually earn per hour of your life.
Why Dollars Per Hour Beats Salary
A $200k salary sounds impressive.
Until you divide it by what it actually costs you:
60â70 hour weeks
commuting
after-hours messages
constant context switching
recovery from stress
That $200k can pay less per hour than a $130k job that ends at 5.
Salary hides the cost.
Dollars per hour exposes it.
The Hours Nobody Counts
Most people undercount work.
They track:
hours on the clock
They ignore:
commuting
mental load
recovery time
Sunday dread
being âalways availableâ
If your job occupies your nervous system when youâre off the clock, those hours count.
Dollars per hour is a life metric.
Not a payroll metric.
Promotions Are Often Pay Cuts
Many promotions lower your dollars per hour.
You get:
more responsibility
more meetings
more ambiguity
more politics
In exchange for:
a marginal raise
a nicer title
higher expectations
If your pay rises 15% but your time cost rises 30%, you didnât get promoted.
You got upsold.
Dollars Per Hour and Power
High-status roles often pay poorly per hourâat first.
Because they trade money for:
optionality
leverage
visibility
network effects
That trade can be rational.
But only if it compounds.
Most people never check whether the sacrifice is temporary or permanent.
Ask:
Is this increasing my future ceiling?
Or just increasing my present workload?
If you donât know, your dollars per hour are already slipping.
The Lifestyle Tax
Money isnât the only currency.
Time pays you too.
High dollars-per-hour roles tend to offer:
control over schedule
predictable energy use
space to think and build
Low dollars-per-hour roles trap you in:
urgency
performative busyness
identity tied to work
exhaustion that kills side projects
A job that leaves you too drained to build is expensiveâeven if it pays well.
Beyond Work
Dollars per hour applies everywhere.
Side Hustles
If it pays $30/hour and consumes your weekends, itâs not leverage. Itâs a second job.
Relationships
If it drains time, focus, and momentum without returning stability or growth, your dollars per hour go negative.
Commuting
Longer commute = pay cut, unless compensated.
Convenience Spending
Spending $50 to save 3 hours can increase your effective rate.
Being cheap with money while wasteful with time is a losing trade.
The Shift Over Time
The variable changes as you age.
Early career:
maximize learning per hour
Mid career:
maximize dollars per hour
Later:
maximize freedom per hour
Most people stay stuck too long at the wrong stage.
They chase promotions when they should chase efficiency.
They chase income when they should reclaim time.
They chase busyness instead of leverage.
How to Calculate It
Do this once.
Take total annual compensation
Subtract job-specific expenses (commute, clothes, stress spending)
Estimate total hours the job actually consumes
Divide
The number will either calm youâor expose something.
Both are useful.
The Z-Finance Rule
If a decision lowers your dollars per hour, it must:
significantly increase future optionality
ormeaningfully improve quality of life
Otherwise, itâs a bad trade.
Titles donât pay you.
Busyness doesnât compound.
Suffering doesnât earn interest.
PS
Iâm opening a few 1:1 sessions for guys rebuilding after a breakup/divorceâstructure, dating, routines, and getting your life tight again. If thatâs you, reply or DM me.
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The goal is to have enough money to take back your leisure time. We should work to live, not the other way around
Ah yes. The Sunday dread.
I had that job in the early 2010s. Was so burned out I spent 3 months in the library and the recording studios afterwards staying away from computers.